Just in case anyone was wondering… and I KNOW that some people were…

I did a quiz…

 LOL!

From 43things.com …

Well I was incredibly close to giving up this goal

And today, made me actually get closer

I’ll give it until the end of the week.

I think I am worth more than this.

See more progress on: Make ***** Fall in love with me, or at least like me enough to come to my formal…

Is there any particular reason why you are so retarded?

I’m in a thinking kind of mood

What am I thinking about?

Good question.

 Basically — Elastic Bands

Elastic bands?!?! I hear you say.

Well actually it makes a lot of sense.

Or maybe my logic is just a bit whacked…

I like to think of myself as an elastic band.

I am flexible

I can stretch quite far but if you let me go too quickly I will flick you

If you stretch me waaay too far then I will snap.

This afternoon, I snapped

How and why is another story, but the trouble with elastic bands is that once they’ve snapped it’s hard to put them back together

To do so involves lots of heat and tender loving care

Heat being the passion I feel when I really care about something

Tender loving care being the basic human reaction when someone is kind and loving as opposed to a snarky bi-polar tub of dog shit.

This time I’m not sure if I’m going to be all that forgiving…

Yay!

Guess what I did today?

*insert guess here*

Well you’re wrong.

What I did do was buy new shoes!

Perhaps shoes for the formal

I haven’t quite made up my mind yet

But they are the coolest shoes on the entire planet!

Although I may be biased…

The best part is that they fit

And with my bloody tiny feet that is definitely an accomplishment!

*HAPPY DANCE*

Dreams

I think that I’ve mentioned these a few times before, the dreams that I often have that leave me completely shattered, scared and confused the next morning.

Yeh well I had another one last night. You don’t need to know what it was about, I guess it was based an awful lot on reality, but then they usually are. Not always, but usually.

Actually reality isn’t all that great right now either. I keep on smiling but. I really doubt anyone can tell how upset I am. Actually that’s the point. I am kinda scared to let anyone know how upset I really am. It’s just cuz everyone wants to be your friend when you smile and joke all the time, but the moment that you show some kind of emotion, or the moment that something goes wrong for you, you look around and suddenly all of your “friends” are gone off somewhere.

And that’s fine. I’m in no position to demand anyone to listen to my problems. I don’t expect anyone to want to.  And that’s fine, I’m not writing this for sympathy or for anyone to ask me what’s wrong. I don’t really feel like blabbing all my problems whilst some poor person has to sit beside me and listen awkwardly, some poor person wishing they were somewhere far, far away from me. I don’t want to tell cyber-space all my problems.

 But I’ll tell you one thing – those dreams are friken horrible!

Something I wrote on 25/07/07 During the maths comp.

As promised here is the crappy thing I wrote the other day. I wrote it during the maths comp which I would have failed anyway… Oh grrreat, I’m rhyming, I guess that all the love poetry finally got to me…  Oh well, enjoy. Not that anyone but Westy really bothers to actually read these anyway. It’s all well and good to look and to comment, but actually reading, now that takes talent and dedication. So yesh…

Memories

Sometimes people mention things to me that I used to do when I was little. I smile and laugh, but honestly I hardly every remember any of those things occurring. I look at old photos and I cannot remember when they were taken. My earliest memory was when I climbed behind the back of the couch and broke all the teeth off my comb. I still have no idea why I did it, but hell – I did it.

It kind of makes me wonder about the other things I did but can’t remember. Perhaps I did bad, evil things in the past and all the things that people are telling me now are pre-fabricated lies to make sure I never find out the truth. Right now I think about everything that is going on around me. The friends that piss me off, and the boys that I like. I think about how important it all seems. Will I even remember any of this in a few years?

Being a teenager is like that, or maybe it’s just like that forever. It’s all mixed up. I don’t think that I used to be quite this selfish. In fact I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t. I think about all the people who ever wronged me, all the people who treated me like shit along the way and I begin to realise that there is absolutely nothing interesting about me at all. The person I am in this very moment is merely someone made up of all the other people I’ve known. Every friend, enemy, teacher, stranger, book character, movie character I’ve ever known has tainted me and used their hands to work on my misshapen psyche like a ball of clay.

Nothing of who I am is unique. In a room of girls I will not seem special. I am not exotically beautiful, nor hideously ugly. Like every other girl here I am plain, although like everyone else I still like to imagine that I am special. It’s time to face the facts though. My shoulder length blonde hair does not glisten in the sunlight. My eyes are dull and greenish-grey. My mouth is not sensuously full making me a sex goddess to behold. Like every other girl in this room I reek of hopelessness. The hopelessness of wanting to fit in and wanting to be different all at once.

 It is a shame that I do not remember myself when I was younger, back before the world had gotten its grubby hands on me. I would have enjoyed knowing what I was like back then, back when I broke all the teeth off my comb. I am not special or unique  and I don’t expect to be, although I know deep in my heart of hearts that despite everything I say one day I will meet someone who thinks I am unique and someone who will love me for my weaknesses instead of exploiting them, someone who will not try to shape me, but will just let me be. But for now, all I have is memories.

Ahem.

Well as Westy most kindly pointed out I haven’t blogged for a few days.

 I’ve been too busy kicking ass in public speaking, oh what’s this beside me?

Oh it’s a massive plaque that says that I won a comp this arvo… fancy that…

Proud of me?

Well I don’t care if you are, cuz I know that I am proud of me.

And that’s all that counts really.

So yesh

I won

I’m pretty happy now

And that’s not the only reason why…

Anyways… I read that love poem I wrote out to me class yesterday I think it was…

Yes, yesterday

That was….

 …..

Fun…?

And embarrassing…

Oh well.

If I get time tomorrow morning I may post a sort of retared thign I wrote… maybe

Actually I might not go to school tomorrow

I don’t really want to.

We’ll see.

Love Poem for english… Attempt Number 2

The Teenage Equivalent of Love 

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could try and find the perfect word
The word that describes the very essence of you
Honestly though I don’t know what to do
My mind is a mess
Cluttered with thoughts about your face
My heart is pumping like it’s winning a race

I cannot explain it
I hear them talking about romance all the time
Silly girls with love on their minds
I don’t know what we have
I’m sure it’s not that
Half the time I hate you
But when you’re gone I want you back
This feeling is new
Is it so strange that I feel like I would do anything you asked me to?
Nothing seems to be too much for you

You irritate me immensly
You nmake me want to scream and shout
Sometimes I want to wring your neck
Is that what love’s about?
Our chemistry is undeniable
But I hate studying science at school
Is it supposed to be any different with you?

You walk too damn fast
You’re too bloody tall
You stoop when you talk to me
You never just agree
It’s always got to be a fight
You never apologise when you are mean
You complain that I cry too much
Though I barely cry at all

Despite all our differences
I just can’t leave you alone
You hanut me like a ghost
You are my shadow, always close
I try to leave you behind
I never get close
I tel myself it’s just a phase
I’m not sure that it’s that simple

I know that I’ve said that it’s you I adore
But I’m just a teenager and a bit of a whore
Chances are I’ll forget you
Just give it a week
But now that you’re here
This is what you mean to me

It is stupid and excessively dumb
How can I hate you whilst feeling such love?
I said it.
It’s true
There’s nothing I can do
But for once in my life surrender the truth
For once in my life admit to weakness

That weakness is you
And you know it too
From your arrogant smirk
And your deep brown eyes
The stupid things you say and do to make me laugh
To your annoying floppy hair
You listen to me when I’m talking too much
Which let’s face it is 99% of the time
I love you
Now go ahead and gloat
You know you want to.

Love Poem for english…

Yeah, so I have to write a love poem for english… 

It is often spoken
But seldom truly seen
Sometimes I wonder just what It means to me
When I meet my love
What will he be like?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO That Be shit

Okay…

 I’ll try again

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could tell you I’ll love you forever more
But I’m just a teenager and a bit of a whore

No.

Again:

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could try and find the perfect word
The word that describes the very essence of you
Honestly though I don’t know what to do
My mind is a mess
Cluttered with thoughts about your face
My heart is pumping like it’s winning a race

Omigosh

 That was sad.

Zomg! Bexxie is on youtube…

For thos of you who have to put up with me the pleasure of spending time with me in reality you’d know that I’m a little bit obessesed with my blog. So in order to try and increase blog traffic I decided to put myself on youtube… It’s a bit sad really but I thought I might as well share it… 

^Bexxie’s Got A Wicked Idea^ 

  

LOL!