It has been a while I suppose…

Alas, tis I, Bexxie.

Since Westy has posted the last two entries I fear that you have forgotten me dear blog.

But since of course you are nothing but html I guess I’m not that afraid after all.

Just a little pissed off since flickr is being slow.

Nothing life changing though.

Although I did write a bit of an idea for a novel. Want to read it?I thought so:

I always like to have a plan. I like things to always go to plan. So when I had to interrupt working on my assignment to go to the shops, to buy sanitary pads of all things, I was not pleased. Necessity is necessity though so I brushed my hair and left the heated comfort of my house and went to the corner store. I grabbed the pads as well as some chocolate and raced to the checkouts. I handed them to the boy behind the checkout, not really clocking that he was about my age and I suppose what would be the regular definition of cute. I didn’t notice, simply because I did not care. My main objective was to get the pads and get out.  

It seemed that destiny had other plans since when the guy tried to scan the pads instead of that regular little beeping noise the checkouts make, there was a sort of warped sound that indicated to me that something was not right. I squinted at the checkout guy’s name badge and held in a snort. His name was Doug. How delightful. “Listen is there some kind of problem?” I asked“Well it seems that this barcode is not scanning.” Doug replied with a grin. I was really starting to dislike him although I wasn’t sure why. There was an awkward pause until finally I spoke again.
“Are you going to do something about it?” Doug just grinned again. I was beginning to get the impression that he didn’t do much else. Holding back my urge to strange this imbecile I took a deep breath.
“Do you want me to get another one?” I asked, sounding more frustrated than I’d intended.

Yesh

That was unbelievably badly written

Proud?

I know I am. 

BECKY’S GOING TO COLLEGE IN CALI!!! 

(only Westy will understand that reference, but then she’s the only one who reads this anyways…)  

I made a pretty random looking edit, well two actually

……………………………………

The idea is for me to eventually post it. But since my computer is being a slow piece of turd I shall have to wait.

(Ten Minutes later)

  

Sure I may have been exaggerating about the ten minutes… But I’m sure that this disturbiness makes it all worth it.

*cough*

Something I wrote on 25/07/07 During the maths comp.

As promised here is the crappy thing I wrote the other day. I wrote it during the maths comp which I would have failed anyway… Oh grrreat, I’m rhyming, I guess that all the love poetry finally got to me…  Oh well, enjoy. Not that anyone but Westy really bothers to actually read these anyway. It’s all well and good to look and to comment, but actually reading, now that takes talent and dedication. So yesh…

Memories

Sometimes people mention things to me that I used to do when I was little. I smile and laugh, but honestly I hardly every remember any of those things occurring. I look at old photos and I cannot remember when they were taken. My earliest memory was when I climbed behind the back of the couch and broke all the teeth off my comb. I still have no idea why I did it, but hell – I did it.

It kind of makes me wonder about the other things I did but can’t remember. Perhaps I did bad, evil things in the past and all the things that people are telling me now are pre-fabricated lies to make sure I never find out the truth. Right now I think about everything that is going on around me. The friends that piss me off, and the boys that I like. I think about how important it all seems. Will I even remember any of this in a few years?

Being a teenager is like that, or maybe it’s just like that forever. It’s all mixed up. I don’t think that I used to be quite this selfish. In fact I’m pretty sure that I wasn’t. I think about all the people who ever wronged me, all the people who treated me like shit along the way and I begin to realise that there is absolutely nothing interesting about me at all. The person I am in this very moment is merely someone made up of all the other people I’ve known. Every friend, enemy, teacher, stranger, book character, movie character I’ve ever known has tainted me and used their hands to work on my misshapen psyche like a ball of clay.

Nothing of who I am is unique. In a room of girls I will not seem special. I am not exotically beautiful, nor hideously ugly. Like every other girl here I am plain, although like everyone else I still like to imagine that I am special. It’s time to face the facts though. My shoulder length blonde hair does not glisten in the sunlight. My eyes are dull and greenish-grey. My mouth is not sensuously full making me a sex goddess to behold. Like every other girl in this room I reek of hopelessness. The hopelessness of wanting to fit in and wanting to be different all at once.

 It is a shame that I do not remember myself when I was younger, back before the world had gotten its grubby hands on me. I would have enjoyed knowing what I was like back then, back when I broke all the teeth off my comb. I am not special or unique  and I don’t expect to be, although I know deep in my heart of hearts that despite everything I say one day I will meet someone who thinks I am unique and someone who will love me for my weaknesses instead of exploiting them, someone who will not try to shape me, but will just let me be. But for now, all I have is memories.

Love Poem for english… Attempt Number 2

The Teenage Equivalent of Love 

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could try and find the perfect word
The word that describes the very essence of you
Honestly though I don’t know what to do
My mind is a mess
Cluttered with thoughts about your face
My heart is pumping like it’s winning a race

I cannot explain it
I hear them talking about romance all the time
Silly girls with love on their minds
I don’t know what we have
I’m sure it’s not that
Half the time I hate you
But when you’re gone I want you back
This feeling is new
Is it so strange that I feel like I would do anything you asked me to?
Nothing seems to be too much for you

You irritate me immensly
You nmake me want to scream and shout
Sometimes I want to wring your neck
Is that what love’s about?
Our chemistry is undeniable
But I hate studying science at school
Is it supposed to be any different with you?

You walk too damn fast
You’re too bloody tall
You stoop when you talk to me
You never just agree
It’s always got to be a fight
You never apologise when you are mean
You complain that I cry too much
Though I barely cry at all

Despite all our differences
I just can’t leave you alone
You hanut me like a ghost
You are my shadow, always close
I try to leave you behind
I never get close
I tel myself it’s just a phase
I’m not sure that it’s that simple

I know that I’ve said that it’s you I adore
But I’m just a teenager and a bit of a whore
Chances are I’ll forget you
Just give it a week
But now that you’re here
This is what you mean to me

It is stupid and excessively dumb
How can I hate you whilst feeling such love?
I said it.
It’s true
There’s nothing I can do
But for once in my life surrender the truth
For once in my life admit to weakness

That weakness is you
And you know it too
From your arrogant smirk
And your deep brown eyes
The stupid things you say and do to make me laugh
To your annoying floppy hair
You listen to me when I’m talking too much
Which let’s face it is 99% of the time
I love you
Now go ahead and gloat
You know you want to.

Love Poem for english…

Yeah, so I have to write a love poem for english… 

It is often spoken
But seldom truly seen
Sometimes I wonder just what It means to me
When I meet my love
What will he be like?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO That Be shit

Okay…

 I’ll try again

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could tell you I’ll love you forever more
But I’m just a teenager and a bit of a whore

No.

Again:

It’s hard for me to describe
Just what you mean to me
I could liken your image to the stars or the sea
I could try and find the perfect word
The word that describes the very essence of you
Honestly though I don’t know what to do
My mind is a mess
Cluttered with thoughts about your face
My heart is pumping like it’s winning a race

Omigosh

 That was sad.